Gender Differences: Male Body Language
Men. They come in all shapes, sizes and attitudes, and you can’t assume they’re all alike. (Stereotyping is evil!) But there are a few common behaviors that you can use in your story that definitely shout “MAN”.
Master of All I Survey
- Men often stand with their legs apart, both feet firmly on the ground. This is a dominant posture. Other men will usually mirror it (meaning copy the same stance) in response.
- Thumbs tucked into the belt or top of the pockets, framing the genital area – used to show a sexually aggressive attitude.
- Head up, chin out, one hand holding the other behind the back – used by men in positions of authority.
- Leg over the arm of the chair – signals an informal aggressive attitude
- Straddling a backwards facing chair – allows a man to dominate and control the situation, as well as shield his front from figurative or verbal attacks.
- Leaning back in chair, arms clasped behind the head, elbows out – signals intent to intimidate or a state of relaxation. It’s also used as a “know-it-all” gesture and a territorial sign – “I own this chair/area.”
Uh, I’m Not Sure…
In stressful situations, men will hold both hands in front of themselves in the protective “Broken Zipper” position.
An anxious or self-conscious man will…
- adjust the band of his watch
- check the contents of his wallet
- clasp or rub his hands together
- play with a button on his cuff or use any gesture that lets his arms cross in front of his body
Baby, You Look Good…
When approaching or near a woman he’s interested in, a man may use the following signals:
- Preening behavior – straightens his tie, smoothes his collar, brushes imaginary dust from his shoulder, touches his cufflinks or watch, rearranges his shirt, coat and other clothing
- Thumbs in Belt gesture – highlights crotch area and emphasizes his sexuality
- Turns body toward her, will shift stance until his foot points toward her
- Uses an intimate gaze and holds her gaze longer than usual
- When seated or leaning against a wall, may spread his legs to display his crotch
- Crotch adjustment – any movement that “adjusts” this area
- Wearing a tie to one side and a little lint on one shoulder – any woman who finds him attractive can’t resist straightening the tie and brushing off the lint
- May mirror a woman’s gestures or posture (men only mirror women when in courtship mode)
Back Off, Dude…
Men fear attack from the front and are more wary of a frontal approach. Never stand front-on with a male you have just met. He perceives it as aggression from a man and sexual interest from a woman. For a friendly start to the conversation, approach from the side.
Uh… What Did You Say?
Men can make fewer than a third of the facial expressions a woman can make due to how their brain is programmed to express emotion. Men usually hold expressionless faces, especially in public, to appear to be in control of their emotions and to stave off possible attack from strangers who might perceive weakness in an emotional display.
Can I Bum a Smoke?
Smoking is becoming a lot less common these days as new laws continue to restrict where smokers can indulge their habit. If one of your male characters smokes, here are some things to keep in mind:
- When men smoke they keep their wrist straight to avoid looking effeminate and drop their smoking hand down below chest level after they puff, keeping the front of the body protected at all times.
- Men hold the smoke in their lungs longer than women do.
- Men commonly use the Pinch Hold, pinching it between their index finger and thumb, keeping the cigarette hidden inside the palm.
These suggestions should give you a place to start when portraying a male character’s behavior. Keep in mind that all men are not the same (duh, right?) so use these as general guidelines. And please give me your perspective on male behavior. Have you noticed any repetitive body language habits in the guys around you? Leave a comment to share your thoughts.
Today’s Giveaway: a copy of Lessons From a Lifetime of Writing by David Morrell
As part of the workshop, I’ll be giving away a book on writing each day–each one is a favorite of mine that I’ve enjoyed reading over and over. I hope you will enjoy them as well.
To enter the drawing, just leave a comment on today’s post. (If you don’t want to be entered for the drawing, just note that in your comment.) If you don’t have anything to say on male body language, leave a comment to throw your name in the hat.
All giveaways will have a 24-hour entry period, and comments will be closed when the next day’s workshop is posted. All workshops will be posted at 7:00 AM CST on the date scheduled (unless I have any unforeseen problems getting it posted. In which case, I’ll make up new rules for that day.)
The book giveaways are open to everyone (USA and elsewhere), even if you win a book on a different day of the workshop.
Tomorrow’s topic – Female Body Language – how to know what she’s thinking by watching her
Have a suggestion for a writing series you’d like to see? Leave me a note in the comments. I love a challenge!
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28 comments
Barbara on July 28, 2008 at 7:43 am
This is great info. My hubby is going to be wondering why I’m watching him so closely tonight.
Put my name in the hat as well, please.
Ronda on July 28, 2008 at 8:21 am
I have always found human behavior fascinating and still learned some new things here.
Looking forward to more!
LJCohen (3 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 8:46 am
Very useful info here. I live in a house full of men–hubby, two teenaged boys, and all their assorted friends coming and going, so I have a built in gender lab. Are you going to talk about gender based speech patterns too? (Pretty please?)
Nemhain on July 28, 2008 at 9:44 am
Well, I came redirected from the workshop in Paperback Writer’s blog. I got hooked by the topic of your own workshop. Very interesting. Rest assured, I’m taking notes and I’ll be coming back. Thanks for sharing the tips.
Cats on July 28, 2008 at 9:53 am
Just adding a few more observations…
There is also that part of men’s body language that says “best friends” or “pals”: mutual shoulder clapping, or even hugging (among younger men in their early twenties), which is most of the time accompanied by vibrant, active body movements. It reminds me of football players hugging after a goal. Maybe the action level is used to indicate that, while being affectionate, they aren’t effeminate?
Older men seem much more restricted about showing their emotions – not only in their facial expressions.
Karen on July 28, 2008 at 10:45 am
This is fascinating. My writing buddies and I often muse about how badly men are written at times by women who tend to feminize male characters. One of these writing friends works in a predominately male profession. Her insights and her access to simply asking males what they would do has been invaluable. I live in a household (entire immediate family, in fact) of all males. Men think differently than females and IMO, that’s a good thing. Each gender has specific and important behavioral and emotional aspects to lend to all relationships and interactions. The differences also provide a natural source of conflict.
I’m looking forward to reading the female installment.
And yes, please do throw my name in the hat for the writing books. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.
Shannon on July 28, 2008 at 11:21 am
Interesting information, thanks. The part on mimicing body language reminded me of a study I saw showing how both genders will mimic the body language of the other person when interested in the conversation. Funny the stuff we do unconsciously.
Karen Duvall (1 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 11:28 am
I was watching an episode of BONES when the psychologist Booth was seeing pointed out the reason for his large, fancy belt buckles. Booth was subconsciously attracting attention to his groin area. LOL!
Sara on July 28, 2008 at 11:53 am
It’s been a long time since I observed any man other than my husband…not including television males.
Thank you for the post, my lead male is having trouble finding something to do with his hands when talking to the lead female. Now he’ll tuck his thumbs into his pockets.
Awesome!
Megan on July 28, 2008 at 1:18 pm
This is really interesting–although now I realize I’ve been hoodwinked before by the tie purposely worn askew trick…
Stace (1 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Fascinating stuff. I’ll be back to see the rest of this series!
Thanks~
Cynnara (3 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 1:54 pm
this is fantastic information. I notice things about my male, but hadn’t consciously thought that they were “male” commonalities. This put a lot of stuff into perspective mentally for me. And as a writer- this made me realize how I can vary up some of the motions to not only make my hero more Male, but also to give off that Male vibe to others.
Fantastic!
Locksley on July 28, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Body language is the sort of thing I always know I need to work on so this is especially interesting! Will keep watching for sure.
Natalie Hatch (4 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 4:39 pm
This has come just at the right time, I’m in the middle of editing a novel and I’m finding my way of explaining what the hero is doing very dry, so now I can put this to work and give him some masculinity back.. Thanks.
Sandra (1 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Interesting stuff! I’ve seen some of that beginning section used for aggressive females as well. Not so much on the crotch fixation
but straddling the chair, hands behind the neck and leaning back etc. Obviously doesn’t work with a woman in a power skirt, but if she’s an army sergeant it does…
C. on July 28, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I’m glad a friend linked me to this. Great information!
Thrown my name in for the give away!
Suelder (3 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I love this topic. One thing I’ve noticed is that guys will roll their shoulders, where gals won’t. It can be when they’re uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact or it can be in place of a shrug.
And please put my name in the hat.
Thanks
Cheryl on July 28, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Wow, what a fantastic response! Thank you all for visiting and leaving comments.
I picked this topic because it was fascinating to me and I’m glad to see that it is interesting to you all, as well.
LJCohen – Yes, Wednesday and Thursday are on male and female speech patterns. More good stuff to come!
Cats – very good observation. I think that kind of male bonding touching is definitely another body language pattern that men use. I’ll include that in the ebook at the end of the workshop with you as the source.
Karen – I’ve just started watching Bones myself and it is a great show. I’m going to have to watch for the big belt buckles.
Megan – your comment made me laugh. I think I’ve fallen prey to some of those courtship signals myself. I’m forewarned now!
Sandra – the sources I’ve read go into detail about how women can use some of the male postures to give them more authority in certain situations. I’ll be listing it along with other resources in the ebook, so folks can get more info.
Suelder – that’s another good one–the shoulder roll as a sign of discomfort. I’ll include it in the ebook with you as the credit.
Thanks again, everyone! I really appreciate your participation!
Page Traynor on July 28, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Do you think that an age different affects any of this? Wonderful information.
Page T.
Cheryl on July 28, 2008 at 9:21 pm
That’s a good point, Page. I think that boys or young men might use more pronounced behaviors, with age perhaps mellowing some of the blatant displays. That’s my guess.
Personality probably influences it as well. If a man is more of a beta male with a laid-back manner, he might still use some of the postures, but less obviously.
Lavern on July 28, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I think this is an interesting topic. I read about a potter who studied how people hold cups so he could design better handles for his cups. Men usually hold cups/mugs with their thumbs on top of the handle and grasp it so they have to raise their elbow as they drink. Women and elderly or sick men tend to hold cups/mugs with their thumbs toward them and lift only their forearms while holding their elbows close to their bodies.
Please throw my name in the hat.
Soleil Noir (2 comments.) on July 28, 2008 at 11:48 pm
ok, I knew some of these but not most. Such as the mirroring gestures when courting. Makes me want to do some people watching the next time I’m in a public place. *g*
Fascinating stuff and very helpful, thanks!
Kaitlin (4 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 2:38 am
The one aspect of male bonding I’ve always found interesting was the man clasp. The guys grab hands like they’re going to shake and hold that grasp as they lean in and hug (kind of). Hard to describe, but I’m sure you all know what I mean. I find it interesting that even though the men are hugging, they’re still holding the other’s hand as if to keep them from stabbing them in the back (so to speak). Great topic! Saving this in my favorites while working on my hero.
Rachel Green (8 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 3:45 am
That was fascinating. I recognised each one as I read them, picturing men doing exactly that. Thanks.
Anna Feruglio Dal Dan on July 29, 2008 at 4:34 am
Actually, I have most of these body language tics, especially the dominant posturings. I realize that since I started working in a formal setting I have had to tone them down, but when not at work, I still put my thumbs in my pockets, put my hands behind my head with elbows wide, and so on. The only thing I never do is sitting astraddle a chair. But then, in many non obvious ways I am very much a lad, despite being very feminine in appearence (I can fix things, I do DIY, I carry heavy stuff by myself, I walk alone at night, things like that.)
And I watch porn.
I don’t know what this means, but I will point out that if – like me – you are writing science fiction, and if you are writing about societies where gender differences are much attenuated, one way of showing it subliminally is to give women this kind of body language.
Or it might just mean that men are typically more self-confident than women in this society and therefore use self-confident body language.
Margay on July 29, 2008 at 6:35 am
Well, this is a post I’m going to bookmark and refer back to often! Thanks for helping to decode male behavior!
Cheryl on July 29, 2008 at 7:11 am
Lavern – that is interesting. I’ve never noticed how people hold coffee cups… something to watch for at work today!
Soleil – I agree.. I’m going to be watching people more now, too.
Kaitlin – I think you’re exactly right on that Handshake/Hug maneuver. Holding the hand is probably done as a defensive move being so close to another man.
Rachel – Thanks for stopping by!
Anna – You mention some very good points for how a writer can use these to create tension in a story–by giving one gender the characteristics of the opposite sex. Would make for an interesting tale!
Margay – Glad to hear this was helpful. Another tool for the writer’s toolbox!
Thanks again to everyone who has stopped by and thrown their name in the hat. I’m closing the comments now and will draw the winner when I get home from work this afternoon. Have a great day everyone!
Learn to Write Fiction » Blog Archive » Winner of Day 1 Giveaway Book on July 29, 2008 at 4:23 pm
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