Gender Differences: Female Body Language

Women. Sugar and spice and everything nice… Well, I’d like to think so, since I am one. And as a woman, I think we’re pretty easy to understand. But if you’re a man trying to write a female character, it may not be so easy. Here are some tips on how women behave (in general, mind you) to get you started.
Hi, How Are You?
- Women smile far more than men in both social and business situations.
- Women are four times more likely to touch another woman than a man is to touch another man. This can mean touching on the hand, arm, shoulder, hugging, etc.
- Women stand slightly closer to one another, face each other more, and touch more than men do with other men.
- Women who want to draw attention to themselves put their hands on their hips combined with a pelvic tilt. May also put just one hand on the hip and gesture with the other.
- Women are four times more likely to mirror another woman (copy her gestures or body posture) than a man is to mirror another man. Women also mirror men’s body language (whereas men don’t mirror women, unless they’re attracted to her).
You Want Me to Give a Presentation To How Many People?
- In stressful situations, women may cross one arm across the body to hold or touch the other arm as if she is hugging herself.
- Anxious or self-conscious women use their handbags or purses to cross their arms in front of her body.
- Shy and timid women will cross their legs and then wrap the foot of the top leg around behind the other so her legs are entwined.
Wow, He’s Hot…
- Women laugh at men they’re attracted to, his jokes or witty comments. (With him, not AT him, as if he’s ridiculous.)
- Women tend to keep their arms more open when they are around men they find attractive. (And are likely to fold their arms across their breasts around aggressive or unattractive men.)
- A woman will place one hand on top of the other and rest her face upon it, presenting her face to a man to attract his attention and for him to admire it. (This usually occurs when the woman is seated at a table or desk and has something to rest her elbows on.)
Other signals that she is interested:
- Head toss and hair flick backed over the shoulders or away from the face
- Wet lips and pouting mouth, slightly open
- Self-touching, like stroking thigh, neck or throat
- Limp wrist as submission signal (also signals vulnerability and arouses a man’s protective instincts)
- Fondling a cylindrical object, like a pen, pencil, lipstick case, etc.
- Exposed wrists–sign of vulnerability. May be combined with hair flick or toying with an object.
- Sideways glance over raised shoulder
- Rolling hips when she walks
- Pelvic tilt – emphasizes waist to hip ratio (a waist that is 70% of the hip size is most attractive to men)
- Places handbag in close proximity to the man – A woman’s purse is a personal item that’s treated by her as almost an extension of her body. If she finds him attractive she may slowly fondle and caress her handbag, ask him to pass it to her or retrieve something from it.
- Knee point – one leg tucked under the other and pointing to the person she finds most interesting
- Shoe fondle – dangling the shoe on the end of the foot and thrusts foot in and out of it
- Leg twine – one leg crossed over the other and pressed against it
- Constantly cross and uncross her legs when she’s with a man she fancies to draw attention to her legs
Hello, It’s Good To Meet You
Women fear attack from behind and are wary of approaches from the rear. If you’re approaching a woman for the first time, walk towards her from the front or side, not from behind.
Do You Have a Light?
- When women smoke they will often hold the cigarette high with their wrist bent back in a wrist display gesture, leaving the front of the body open.
- If she is with a man that she is interested in, she may ask him for a light and then lean forward and touch his hand as he lights her cigarette. The act of lighting gives her a reason to touch him, another courtship signal.
- Twice as many women smoke as men, but they don’t hold the smoke in their lungs as long as men.
These are some general behaviors that you can use for women in your story. Keep in mind that these are general behaviors. Some women will use them consciously and deliberately (Marilyn Monroe knew all the courtship signals and used them frequently). Other women may use only a few and quite inexpertly.
Have you observed interesting body language in the females you know? Leave a comment with your thoughts.
Today’s Giveaway: a copy of Chapter After Chapter by Heather Sellers
To enter the drawing, just leave a comment on today’s post. (If you don’t want to be entered for the drawing, just note that in your comment.) If you don’t have anything to say on female body language, leave a comment to throw your name in the hat.
All giveaways will have a 24-hour entry period, and comments will be closed when the next day’s workshop is posted. All workshops will be posted at 7:00 AM CST on the date scheduled (unless I have any unforeseen problems getting it posted. In which case, I’ll make up new rules for that day.)
The book giveaways are open to everyone (USA and elsewhere), even if you win a book on a different day of the workshop.
Tomorrow’s topic is Male Speech – when you can get a man to talk, what does he say?
Have a suggestion for a writing series you’d like to see? Leave me a note in the comments. I love a challenge!
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
20 comments
Cats on July 29, 2008 at 8:06 am
What I notice again and again is that women, especially when nervous, tend to use less space. They place their feet close together and do the hip tilt – which is not very helpful if they are about to deliver a speech and want to appear competent.
Being nervous can also cause the voice to go up at the end of a sentence instead of down, so that a statement might sound like a question. This can be the case for men or women, but I notice it more in women. It ususally gets better when the nervousness wears off a little.
I absolutely second the touchting ratio! It’s much easier for women to touch in public without getting frowned upon. And for women, touching is about connecting (to either gender), whereas for men in public, touching someone is about demonstrating dominance mostly – like putting your left hand on the other person’s arm or shoulder when all you do is shake hands.
This is of course different when a man touches someone in the context of a relationship. But even there, men tend to have their arm around a woman, protecting her, while women tend to tuck themselves into the arms of a man or walk with hocked arms. When handholding, it is often the man’s hand that covers the woman’s hand. (Funny that this never worked for me. I hate it when my hand is the lower one. *g*) It’s still a bit of the old “You Tarzan, me Jane”, isn’t it? *g*
Barbara on July 29, 2008 at 8:17 am
Fascinating topics. We never really get away from animal instincts, do we?
Ronda on July 29, 2008 at 9:28 am
Although I’m female, I’m not terribly feminine and I tend to exhibit some of the male characteristics that you wrote yesterday, but I fall into the smiling and touching category too! Also, I’m a photographer and it is crucial to keep the male/female differences in mind when posing people for portraits. It is very easy to make a man look feminine, and completely out of character.
Thanks for this great info!
Margay on July 29, 2008 at 9:34 am
This is such a fascinating subject! You know we’re all going to be watching men and women more closely for these clues after reading this, don’t you? Great post!
Karen T. on July 29, 2008 at 9:34 am
The comments in yesterday’s and today’s posts are great. I’ve learned a lot from reading them as well as the post.
Thanks.
Kathleen (3 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 10:41 am
Great and interesting post! I think I tend to fall somewhere between female and male in mannerisms–I’m very direct and confident and I think that often comes across as masculine traits.
Cynnara (3 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Okay, now I realize how my male knew I was interested in him when I knew I wasn’t actively showing it. *bangs head on desk* This is a fantastic workshop and I hope you’re considering putting it together in a lovely pdf format for reference sake after.
As for further ideas– I’d love to see how these actions coincide when dealing with m/m romance or even a menage setting. I wonder how they differ and how they’re alike.
Megan on July 29, 2008 at 1:11 pm
After yesterday’s post, I was thinking about the differences in where men and women hold their cigarettes when they smoke, and so I took a couple opportunities to discreetly observe throughout my day yesterday. (I don’t smoke, but a couple of characters in my WIP are smokers, and so I was curious!) And sure enough, I noticed the men holding the cigarette down below their chest, keeping their front protected, and the women holding their body frames very openly when they smoke.
I felt like I was in on some secret knowledge, noticing this.
I don’t know if I’ll use that explicitly in my manuscript, since I don’t know how relevant it would be, but I’ll have that detail to work with when I envision scenes inside my head. And the little authentic details always help!
Shannon on July 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I had to laugh when I saw myself in some of the gestures. Great information, thanks.
Page Traynor on July 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I think it would be interesting to have a female character who deliberately used male actions to gain control of a situation.
I also think it is interesting to investigate cultural differences of both speech and action.
Thanks for the workshop. I am copying it and thinking about how to use it in the future.
Elana (1 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Hi! This is such great information. Even as a woman, I don’t consciously think about the things I do. And yesterday’s post was…wow! Thanks!
Sarai (3 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 4:23 pm
This is a very interesting article. Thank you for the tips I actually caught myself doing some of these things over lunch LOL!
LJCohen (3 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I notice that I use the same few mannerisms for my characters over and over. These posts will help me expand my repertoire. Thanks!
Tarragon on July 29, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Your mention of Marilyn Monroe is quite helpful. I can picture her using quite a few of the courtship mannerisms that you mention.
Suelder (3 comments.) on July 29, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Women use body language with other women to include or exclude them from a group. I’ve observed groups of women open or close when a new woman shows up.
I haven’t seen this nearly as much with groups of men, but I’m not sure whether that’s because they don’t do it or they do it less noticeably.
Cheryl on July 29, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Cats – you have some great people observations. I’ve read about the handshake with the left hand touching the other person’s arm or shoulder. It’s also used because that extra touch gives the touchee a better impression of the toucher, strangely enough.
Barbara – you are so right. In the body language book I used for reference there were so many mentions of our caveman instincts–many things have held over even though our lives are so removed from the cave now.
Ronda – excellent point on portrait poses. I’ve seen some that look so strange for the male or female pictured in them and now that I think about it, they probably were using a pose that “belonged” to the opposite gender.
Margay – I’ve certainly been paying more attention to my actions. I got in the elevator today and noticed that I immediately crossed my arms over my chest. Then I wondered why I was using a defensive maneuver and lowered my arms. Boy, did it feel strange to stand there with relaxed, open arms!
Cynnara – Yes, I’m putting together a PDF that will be available on Sunday with all the posts and some extra material for reference.
Megan – Secret knowledge is right! Now we writers need a secret handshake.
Page – you bring up a good point. All of these posta are on American males and females only. Other cultures have dramatically different body language patterns. If you’re writing a story with characters from other countries, don’t rely on this info as it could be disastrous for your characters. Unless that was deliberate on your part.
Suelder – The body language book I used for reference had a specific chapter on inclusion and exclusion and how we do both. Fascinating stuff. I’ll include info on the book in the PDF if anyone wants more information.
Thanks to you all for stopping by! I really appreciate everyone who’s taken the time to comment. Makes a blogger’s heart warm and fuzzy!
Rachel Green (8 comments.) on July 30, 2008 at 3:25 am
We look at each other’s eyes a lot too.
Good post.
Learn to Write Fiction » Blog Archive » Winner of Day 2 Giveaway Book on July 30, 2008 at 6:59 am
[...] the lucky winner of the Day 2 Giveaway book Chapter After Chapter by Heather Sellers [...]
Kaitlin (4 comments.) on August 1, 2008 at 12:11 am
This has been so much fun to read & it’s great for my character-building as well.
Women also tend to talk a gazillion times more than men. I don’t know about any of the rest of the ladies on here, but when I’m attracted to a guy I tend to talk too much, too fast and without taking a breather….might be why I’ve been single for so long. LOL
kare anderson (1 comments.) on August 11, 2008 at 7:33 pm
With that in mind, what parts of a face most influence first impressions?
http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2008/08/what-make-us-wa.html